A Beginner’s Guide to Juggalo Culture
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My dumbass brother asked me for advice on surviving the Gathering of the Juggalos, because some girl that won’t fuck him wants to go, and he’s stupid enough to think that going with her will somehow magically make her want to fuck him. When he read what I sent him, he started laughing maniacally, and asked me to post it here. I don’t know. Whatever. Yolo.

You’re gonna want to try and blend in. Seeing as you are going to be in their natural habitat, They are going to be able to sense outsiders entering the nest. The best way to stay “under the radar”, so to say, is to do your best to adapt to their customs such as face paint and “slang”. You shouldn’t need much, Seeing as their average IQ is generally 7-20, tops. Also, I would strongly recommend lots of perfume or something of the like. These creatures lack a basic understanding of things like “running water” and “soap”, much like how they don’t understand “miracles”. For they do not take the time to sit down and use common sense. If you manage to get past their customs and scent, next would be their constant state of “inebriation”.


The average Juggalo spends their time doing drugs, so that they can handle the noise that the ones on stage are making. Otherwise every one would probably have seizures (not like you would be able to tell with their intelligence being as low as it is). So your going to want to find a way to get yourselves on such a level as so you don’t lose what mind you have left after entering this area.

They are most comparable to the Reavers from the Joss Whedon classic “Firefly”, or of the movie “Serenity”. You see, the Reavers have been exposed to high dosages of drugs, released into the air supply, which drove them mad to the point of destroying their bodies with rings and holes. Their IQ has dropped to the bare basics, painting themselves in blood to match each other and to recognize one another from the normal populace, like some form of a hivemind. Now, in relation to Juggalos you will notice such similarities as a reliance on extreme amounts of Psychoactive drugs, low intelligence, and an obsession with gauges and body jewelry. They paint their faces with what they perceive as clown makeup so they can identify each other in a crowded area.


Going on this information I would say this rare species of human should be avoided at all costs, as much like the Reavers, if you do not look like them and act like them you will be met with hostility. They will simply not understand you, nor try to. My best advice would simply be not to attend such a travesty of human interaction. But if you decide to go against this advice, you should try your best to stay under the radar, much like you would sneak into the monkey pen at a zoo. I wish you much luck in this adventure, but I do not expect your chance of survival or returning in the same manner as you left to be very probable.