Jew’s Internet History Part 2: Freeservers and ChairShots
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WELCOME BACK TO THIS STAGE IN HISTORY! Last time I spoke about my very beginnings in this internet business, and you learned about a bunch of shit that you don’t care about because it happened before Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 even existed. But it made me happy to write it, and honestly that’s all that matters. Today we will get into some slightly more relevant stuff, and hopefully you won’t be too bored.

“Upon finding a magic pair of 3D glasses in an abandoned arcade, Mild Mannered Pete Kowalsky was transformed into the mad chill, groovy cool super hero known as The Flyin’ Jew! Using his super powers of mad phat break dancing and super tight skateboarding The Flyin’ Jew flies around and kills super villains everywhere!”

One night while sobering up from a wild house party, I found that I was unable to sleep, due to a fairly attractive girl passed out on my couch. Doing the ultimate nerd thing, I stole someone’s template and built tehinternet.8m.com instead of taking advantage of her. Sometimes it’s too bad that I’m a nice guy. Eventually Al (Formerly foodhater) signed on to write B-Movie and game reviews, and Hardcore Redneck (who I met on the Huge Internet Superstars boards) followed, writing wrestling themed articles and Monday Night Raw recaps. I received a lot of sage advice from Ninja R and T2 from hoodratz.net, and through one of T2’s articles on Hoodratz, I met Justin from dyslexicpenguin.com. This was also the first time that I did a “relevant” multi-site article, with “The Top 5 Coolest Fighting Game Characters Ever.”

Hugeinternetsuperstars.com, coming out of a feud with theddt.com bought theddt.net. Cactus didn’t do anything with it, and HIS later returned to jasonrivera.com. freeservers started holding me back, featuring errors that shouldn’t even be possible, and weird things just changing themselves all the time. One time the entire site actually disappeared for no reason. I had been considering a new design anyway. Hoodratz.net merged with Huffin n Puffin around this time as well.

“Shortly after his transformation, The Flyin’ Jew joined forces with The Nude Smurf, The Abominable Arse, “Hardcore” Nick Orr, and The Mighty Ed Wood to form TeH Internet, which wields Obscurity and Absurdity like weapons, hacking down all who stand in it’s way!”

It was time to move on to bigger and better things. I took Cactus up on an offer to use TMCS server space to host THI, and Marion and I made a new site from another stolen template. The design came out excellent, and I couldn’t have done it without him. The Nude Smurf and his buddy Arse (who I had met on X-Box Live) came over from 1up.com’s Tanooki boards, and a jasonrivera.com forum legend Cbright joined the ranks with a column called “Five Minutes With Cbright”.

Things were great for a while. We became a very diverse website, with Smurf writing Smackdown recaps (starting with Christmas in Iraq) to accompany Hardcore Redneck’s (now simply calling himself “Hardcore”) Monday Night RAW recaps, and myself concentrating more on the nerd culture. Al wrote a few more articles before leaving to concentrate on his career as a teacher (EdWood soon filled his space as a B Movie reviewer), and Arse single-handedly set out on a mission to offend and insult the entire world. This was the start of THI really finding it’s identity as the NSFW, ECW-ish website that it’s still known as today.

Cactus had been neglecting his TMCS responsibilities due to choices in his personal life that eventually drove a wedge between him and me. More on that later, though. Although it stopped updating for well over a year, TMCS was still getting great traffic. Also around this time, hateful articles that Cbright wrote about theddt.com for THI caused a massive TMCS/DDT feud (due to our hosting being on TMCS), which although hilarious due to the inactivity of TMCS, caused a lot of interest in the TMCS forums. This prompted Smurf and myself to try and get the site back up to it’s former glory, in an attempt to get Cactus motivated again. Nothing came of this endeavor for TMCS, but it was the moment that established the dream team of “Jew and Smurf: The Faces of THI” that would continue on almost until the end of TeH Internet, many years later.

This Tag Team dynamic helped THI grow exponentially. More banners were made, small modifications were set in place, and the website’s horizons were expanded. At that point, we started to really pick up steam. We asked for contributions from the people who wanted to write, but didn’t have a site to put their work on. Wallpapers, videos, MP3’s, articles, recaps — whatever you wanted to deliver, we’d take it. Hell, we were begging for content most of the time. A lot of the people from the Jasonrivera.com forums and The Tanooki Board started to show a little interest. We were getting rave reviews!

Things were definitely looking up for us. People even started wanting to get committed to write full-time for us, exclusively. We had myself, Smurf, Hardcore, the Raw Recapping Redneck, EdWood, the gay, handicapped alcoholic; CBright, the white boy with enough angst to out-anger the crowd at a Limp Bizkit show; Arse, the hopeless virgin with an Atlantis mask; and newcomer Sock, the guy who wouldn’t shut the hell up about the NHL lockout. Sure, we didn’t have much, but what we did have was passion. Fuck knows the lot of us weren’t the best writers, but we tried like all hell to make someone laugh. Someone was bound to enjoy our work one day.

One day, it happened. We started getting complimented. “That sucked” suddenly became “Shit, I really enjoyed that”. The site that was once a group of Internet rejects were being touted as “The next Huge Internet Superstars” by Jason Rivera himself. We were updating weekly, we had such events as the utmost awesome “Interview Week EX2”, and we were the official home of the “Super Grande Update!”.

Things were really starting to pick up. Would it last? You’ll have to wait until next time to see…