Jew’s Internet History Part 3: The Rise And Fall Of THI
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Last time we learned of the creation of THI and I got all warm and fuzzy about a bunch of old friends who mostly hate me now. Now let’s watch as it all falls apart. Murphy’s Law is a cruel beast.

What goes up, must come down. Fuck Sir Issac Newton. As is the case with these types of internet communities, feuds over stupid things were to be expected. Cactus and I were no longer on speaking terms in real life, over a girl who was taking him down a dark and evil road, and after a particularly brutal battle on the jasonrivera.com forums that resulted in him deleting all of THI from his server and changing the password on us, we moved to our own server and finally became Tehinter.net. The good thing about getting so hot before coming down, though, was that we had a lot of connections; thanks to a few people who worked their magic, we managed to get back all of our archives. What we had to do was simple. Hell, it was as simple as an album title: “Infiltrate. Destroy. Rebuild.”. The awesome part is, the first two-thirds of the work had already been done. So, we had little to do but rebuild.

Before “going official”, THI was a spare time project, just some light work. Afterward, things were a whole new ballgame. Staff swelled yet again, now taking on Crusty Ruffles, the Straight-Edge Superstar, TheFallin1, who I still owe fifty bucks, Optimist With Doubts, and Nomad, a man obsessed with Nintendo. The fact that Sock would make us the world’s number one resource for Black Jewish People on the internet for a while was something that kept us thriving to get to this point, and we loved every minute of it.

Most of us became a very tight knit group. EdWood, the surrogate father figure often threw meet-and-greet events, where the staff would get drunk and cause trouble in Connecticut or Pennsylvania, Smurf and I talked on the phone and AIM constantly, and it got to the point where my Internet posse and my real life friends were one and the same. THI also joined up with Hoodratz.net, MaroonX.com, and DyslexicPenguin.com to run a joint forum, known as The SuperForum of Obscurity, further cementing their bonds and laying groundwork for the future E&N concept.

THI rocked on for years. The site saw another redesign, and we had such contests as “The THI Shoplifting Extravaganza!” and “The Official THI Hot Chick Search”. After a controversial article called “don’t Feed Danny: A Plea To End World Hunger” that slammed THI with a Cease and Desist order, the site blew up. To handle the immense workload, Sock began working on updating the site with Smurf and myself. This was also the time that I joined the SydLexian community.

No one was left who could remember how it had happened, how the world had fallen under darkness… At least no one who would do anything.

Like all good friends do, Cactus and I eventually reconciled. I ran into housing trouble again when the two people that I was sharing a lease with turned out to be a raging pervert and a pathological liar. This led to me moving to New Jersey. That really has nothing to do with my internet history, but whatever.

Smurf and Arse became on bad terms, due to Smurf treating him like a tag-along piece of shit. Arse began to get completely out of hand. Suddenly his articles that were mostly “Trolling for Lulz” became racist, hate fueled rants, and he joined the Aryan Brotherhood. The THI staff unanimously came to a decision to let him go, considering they were made up of a Jew, a Bisexual, a Homosexual former victim of a hate crime who preferred Black men, and an actual Black man.

Due to Smurf’s school life and my working of two jobs, We began looking for a way to make updating the site easier. Currently people would E-Mail us articles, we’d have to format them, then update all of the necessary pages of the archives by hand. Sock stepped up to the plate and picked up a load of the slack, but we began using a program called WordPress, which Smurf lied and assured me he was familiar with.

The idea was to allow staffers to update at their own pace, without having to hassle Smurf, Sock, or myself. The site was supposed to be as simple to use as posting on a forum, and the new layout of the site was supposed to allow for flexibility in articles. Instead we got a convoluted mess that nobody knew how to fix when it broke, a lure for spambots, and internal conflict, when Nomad began posting so many articles about Nintendo that anything else that was written would be immediately pushed to the archives.

This picture isn’t relevant, but it’s still historical.

All of the old articles had to be redone to fit into the wordpress template. Many longtime staffers drifted away, and others sparingly bothered. Some new blood arose, however, in the form of Mr.Bomberman and Char Aznable (My current boss) from the SydLexian community, as well as my close friend and buddy Jake Shappy (going by the name T3HR3D33M3R), as well as a few other random contributions here and there. It wasn’t enough to revitalize the dream, however.

Halfhearted attempts were made to create “angles” that would create interest, such as “The THI Race War” – a parody of the Marvel Civil War, brought on by an actual internal argument over offensive material that would have lead up to a fake Arse returning to write (much like the fake Thor that graced Marvel’s pages during the event), as well as my efforts to pretend to sell the entire site to fund an addiction to World of Warcraft. These plans backfired, however, even going as far as to have me be branded “A shitty writer and a talentless hack” by Ninja R, the same man who helped me when I was first starting out.

“Before The Fall of TeH Internet, The Flyin’ Jew had taken a Vince McMahon approach to THI. That is, leaving his workers to fend for themselves while he raked in the profit.”

Around the year 2008 THI was in bad shape. The new WordPress setup that we were using made updating time consuming and difficult, Smurf and I were drifting away as friends (due to him turning into a raging douchebag, much like he did to Arse before his Aryan Brotherhood thing), I was single handedly supporting both my mother and my younger brother as well as myself, and the final straw in the camel’s back came from me borrowing $600 from fellow staffer EdWood to buy a 1990 Toyota Tercel off of Craigslist.

Smurf’s insistence that he knew about cars had convinced this mechanically deprived Jew that the car was a worthwhile investment. It actually ended up costing nearly double it’s initial price to even be drivable. Shortly after that Smurf dropped my damn laptop and didn’t tell me. Again believing Smurf’s bullshit, and needing a way to get online for THI purposes, I put myself further in debt by buying a computer from him for $200.

Of course the computer was broken, and required even more money and effort to get working. I was furious at this point. A man who I had considered a close friend had just cost me well over a thousand dollars in less than a week, and wouldn’t even pick up his cellphone to discuss the matter. Smurf and I stopped talking after that, and eventually my inability to pay Wood back the initial $600 put an even heavier strain on the already tense environment.

This car ruined everything.

Because Smurf had been the one to handle things such as hosting and server things, he promptly pulled the Plug on the website without warning. THI became a Mets fan blog. An anonymous source was once quoted as saying “It is a sign of the degradation of the entire internet that we have lost such a beacon of humor and pop culture. These are dark times indeed.”

However,

If the shadow blocks out the sun… there will be Light!
If it stays ’till the sun is set… there will be Light!
If the sun never shows its face again… there will be Light!
No matter how dark the internet gets… there will be…

Tune in next time to see what there will be…

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