Restoring faith In The Capcom Zaibatsu: The Rant
Posted on by

If you haven’t heard the news yet, Capcom only has $152 million dollars in the bank as of this writing. Personally if I had that much money, I would do all of the cocaine in the world and happily die via heart explosion, much like the lifebars in Primal Rage.

These are seriously the coolest lifebars ever.

To the average guy, that’s a boatload of cash, but it’s hardly enough to run a large corporation with. At this point you should expect to see guys in fancy suits raining from the sky and crashing into the ground at break-neck speeds. Being a gigantic Capcom fanboy, this should upset me. Sadly, though, all I could do was regard the news with an air of expectancy. It rolled off my shoulder, and I went back to watching cartoons about giant robots punching each other. Capcom’s insistence on alienating their hardcore fanbase and pissing off their employees has caused them to fall out of favor with my kind. They had this coming.

A few weeks ago on facebook some like-minded friends and I were making jokes about pooling our money and buying the company, and the things that we would do with it if we did. Being a High School drop out who’s current claim to fame is working part time in a grocery store freezer and podcasting in my free time, I will not pretend to understand things like shareholders and the market structure. I am going to stick to what I know, and concentrate on things that Capcom could do to please their fans. I was the guy who managed to get banned from a Mugen forum for starting a flame war while pointlessly defending the company’s honor, after all. Pleasing the fans and bringing faith back to the company will in turn increase sales, and therefore money will begin flowing in again, and that’s a good start… or at least a better approach than “we’re gonna keep doing what we’re doing, but with a stronger emphasis on shoehorning downloadable content into everything”.

Since I write most of my articles by first coming up with a “skeleton” of things that I want to touch upon, and then let my writing go organically as I think of stuff to type, This article became incredibly long. For that reason, I will cover Megaman and Resident Evil in separate articles, which will be posted at a different date. I still have a few other points to address, however. Hit the jump for a massive assault of self righteous fanboyism.

Fighting games are back, in a big bad way. It’s time for Capcom Vs. SNK 3. Do it now, while KOF XIII and Street Fighter IV are still hot. Everyone knows that SNK was less than pleased with the last time Capcom made a deal like this, and that there is no foot in the door to begin these negotiations. That is precisely the reason that now is the time. Anyone who would still hold a grudge is probably long gone. Just send a damn E-Mail and see what happens. It would be a smart move for both sides, if the deal is kept simple. SNK gets permission to use the Street Fighter universe to make one of their beautiful, High Resolution Sprite based KOF games, and Capcom gets the KOF characters to make a Street Fighter IV styled 3d game. Just like the deal made between Ono and Harada for the Street Fighter x Tekken games. Just don’t be dicks and make a half-assed, barely playtested microtransaction mine out of the Capcom game this time.

This is obviously a man who loves what he does.

On the subject of Yoshinori Ono, Let this man do what he wants. This is a man who found a way to bring back the Street Fighter series after a decade of near silence, and bring fighting games that aren’t doujin or Aksys back to the mainstream population. Sure, there are purists and SFIV haters who would love to chew your ear off about the shame of comeback mechanics or how parrying is more gentlemanly than focus attacks, but these are people who fail to see the big picture: Street Fighter IV is a game that both longtime fighting game players and casuals can pick up and enjoy enough to invest more time into playing. Yoshinori Ono is a man that went to extreme lengths to make Street Fighter Relevant again. He worked so hard for this goal that he became physically ill and had to be hospitalized. Because of this, you reaped the sales of five console Street Fighter titles, and even made some money off of the IOS and PC crowd.

This man wants to make lightning strike twice for you by creating a new Darkstalkers game. Niggas Love their Darkstalkers. Why the fuck are you being tepid and testing the waters by releasing an HD compilation that nobody needs before giving him the OK? Of course the sales of the HD collection are going to be poor. The original Darkstalkers titles are incredibly difficult and only cater to a hardcore crowd, most of whom already own superior versions on older consoles or play the Arcade ROMs via emulation. Just let him make a new game that will bring in casuals as well as give experts something new to crack open, like he did with Street Fighter.

You know what games WOULD benefit from XBLA and PSN ports? Almost every other game in the Capcom library. don’t forget how fantastic the two Bionic Commando ReArmed games were. Release some more shit like Final Fight Double Impact. Get the guys who created the fantastic Double Dragon Neon on the phone and have them make a similar attempt with the Final Fight license. Remember that half-assed “Arcade mode” that was unlockable in Final Fight Streetwise? You know, the one that was supposed to be the ACTUAL GAME before some guy in a suit decided that brawlers needed to become GTA clones full of Slipknot songs? That arcade mode was the best thing on that disc.

Re-release Strider 2 for download while you’re at it, and why in the hell are you trusting the guys that fucked up Silent Hill and Front Mission to make the NEW Strider game? How does Double Helix keep getting work on high profile titles regardless?

The 1940 series, Captain Commando, Ghouls N’ Ghosts, Cyberbots, Saturday Night Slam Masters. The list goes on almost indefinitely. Make this shit happen, Capcom.

Finally, Since I am the person that I am, I would be remiss if I did not mention the biggest epidemic to sweep through the African-american community since Crack-Cocaine: Dat Mahvel. Keep supporting it. Give us more DLC characters and stages. Give us the remaining capcom guys from Tatsunoko Vs. Capcom. Give us Ruby Heart, Sonson, and Amingo. Give us Silver Samurai, cyclops (He’s the leader of the fucking X-Men, for Christ’s sake!). Give us some needed character and gameplay tweaks. Give us Megaman. We need that shit. We can’t live without it.