Crabby McFartlice

Crabby McFartlice
Crabby McFartLice started life off in the United States, but he would soon move to Canada, during which time he would bag many a fine looking woman. While there, he become an expert marksman, representing Canada in the 1992 Summer Olympics in 50 metre rifle shooting. While an expert at standing and prone firing, McFartLice was never up to par with his fellow Olympians at shooting while kneeling. This cost him the gold medal, which was won by Hrachya Petikyan. After suffering the defeat, McFartLice moved into hiding, and started living under the alias of 'Jizzy TitFarts'. He would found the 'Jizzy TitFarts Trio', a jazz piano trio that gained worldwide acclaim for their progressive arranges of the standards. Despite the success, Crabby wanted more, and eventually turned to a life of crime. For several years, he ran the largest meth lab in Southern Ontario. It wasn't until one faithful evening when his good friend and fellow methhead Stained CumRags almost overdosed. Crabby had to rely on the medical skills he had picked during his Olympic training, which consisted of shooting dolphins then shooting the god damned hippies who would try and save them. Sometimes, Crabby's hits wouldn't kill the dirty hippies instantly, and he eventually learned how to care for and raise the hippies, releasing them back into the world as functioning adults, capable of seeking gainful employment, and getting a fucking haircut. Stained CumRags was suffering from a serious seizure, convulsing violently. McFartLice prevented him from choking on his tongue, and took him to the hospital. He would soon realize that he needed to get his life back in line, which is when he started training to join The Blue Angels. Despite being the best pilot Canada had ever seen, only Americans can join The Blue Angels, and he was denied access. Years passed and McFartLice would turn into a bulbous slob, sleeping with overweight redheads and smoking three packs of Marlboro Menthol cigarettes a day. After a while, he stopped caring, and started writing about the times he jerked off to middle aged Sears models in the nineties, and started asking questions about Shaq's dick. McFartLice's shameless storytelling brought him critical acclaim from the internet world, and it's suggested he's worth at least eighty internet dollars. He's currently using his internet money to fund his world internet tour, and it starts at Robot Boombox.