Punisher Week – Eminem Vs. The Punisher
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This comic is fucking duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuumb.

No, seriously, out of all the shit that I’ve read for Punisher week so far, this is the stupidest one of the bunch. I don’t even know why it’s marked as a Punisher comic, considering that he only says about three sentences in the entire thing. It should be called Slim Shady and Barracuda’s Fucking Idiotic Adventure.

Let me back up, though, because I actually have a bit of a special connection to one of the protagonists of this book. And I’m not talking about the fact that my name is Frank. Most people don’t know this, but Eminem AKA Marshall Mathers is not from Detroit. He’s actually from a little shitballs town named Saint Joseph, Missouri. A little shitballs town that I happen to have had the displeasure to live in for sixteen years.

Yes, beautiful Saint Joseph. Mullet capital of the world. A place where people think that squirrel is a good source of vitamins. A place where “possum kicking” is considered a valid leisure activity. Now, Saint Joseph has produced artists of some verifiable musical talent (I’m looking at you, RadKey), but I don’t think Eminem is one of them.

And neither is this guy.

So we can see what we’re working with here. Apparently Eminem had aspirations of being a comic book artist back before he became a rapper. I’m sure the wonderful art in this comic is a reflection of his vision… Or not.

This is just your standard fifteen page promotional rag. The plot isn’t even worth going over. You wanna hear what it is? Barracuda is hired to kill Eminem, and the Punisher is trying to stop him. That’s it. Barracuda tricks Eminem into following him, tricks him into knocking out Frank (yeah, right), and then knocks him out. Both come to on a boat, Cuda tries to kill Shady, the Punisher kills Cuda, end of book.

It’s not even a good Punisher comic, because Frank doesn’t fucking talk at all. As I mentioned previously, he’s barely in the goddamn thing. And he doesn’t mention his dead family at all. That should be a fucking requirement by now. I apologize for not having much to say on this one, but there isn’t really much to say at all. I don’t recommend giving this one a read, unless you enjoy seeing Eminem stroke his ego for fifteen pages.

The kicker? Barracuda was sent by the Parent’s Music Council. Fuck this comic.