Articles

Written stuff.

Punisher Week – A Man Named Frank

Sombrero Guy explains to Enchilada and Smokey that the diamonds they found were actually rock candy, meaning that Frank’s family was murdered for something that can be purchased for a buck fifty at Walmart.

The Michael Bay Hydra

Yes. This is “the article about the two headed girl with the funny Ninja Turtles picture that we stole from Deviantart.”

Soul Calibur 2 is the Shit

“But Frank”, you find yourself asking out loud because you talk to your computer like it’s an actual person, “why go back and look at SC2? Isn’t that game like 40 years old now, or something?”. A hand then immediately reaches out and slaps you across the face, because ain’t nobody talk shit on SC2.

Driveswap: A Saga of Ineptitude

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Review – Sharknife: Stage First

I really wanted to like this one, I really did. Sharknife is basically Scott Pilgrim with all of the characterization removed, so that what we’re left with is a vaguely game-esque mishmash of hipstery bullshit and overwrought fight scenes.

Saints Row: The Third: The Disappointment

“Saints Row: The Third is quite possibly one of the most disappointing sequels to an amazing game I’ve ever played.”

Warm Reception For Lost Planet 2

Lost Planet is a series who’s three games are WILDLY different than one another, leading to a lack of brand identity, but Trent still enjoys it because it has giant space aliens and grappling hooks. If you want to make an awesome vidcon, put grappling hooks in it.

Just Cause 2: An Exponentially Better Sequel

Frank enjoys Just Cause 2 expodentially more than it’s prequel. Who knew that giving the player a grappling hook AND a parachute could change so much?

Punisher Week – Space Punisher

I’ve often joked about launching people into space to make sequels or spinoffs to tired concepts that just won’t seem to die an honorable death. It’s a concept that is so retarded that you can’t help but be interested, even if just to satisfy some morbid curiosity about how much of a train wreck it could possibly be.