Punisher Week – Space Punisher Part Four
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Where last we left of in the amazing adventures of The Space Punisher, Frank payed his respects to a classic PC game, became a hero for the Jews, killed the four remaining members of the evil Six-Fingered Hand in two pages, spent twice as many pages getting beaten up by the deadliest butler in the universe, and finally came face to face with his family’s murderers before activating The Ultimate Nullifier and seemingly destroying the entire universe.

For what it’s worth, that would be one hell of a way to end this comic. Considering it doesn’t take place in normal Marvel Continuity, it wouldn’t harm anything, although I’m sure Marvel would pull some Jean Grey/Scarlet Witch douchebaggery to restore the status quo anyway. I swear these guys must be taking tips from Ed Boon. It would definitely fall in line with the kind of thing this version of Frank Castle would do as a man with nothing to lose, hell bent on revenge, as opposed to a quest for justice. Let’s see what Frank Tieri has in store for us, though.

Unfortunately we don’t get a cool wow moment as soon as we open the book this time. Just a little back story on The Watchers that formed The Six-fingered Hand, and one of those generic “I have the perfect life, but something isn’t right” scenarios for Frank Castle.

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Nothing that can’t be fixed by traumatizing a child, amirite?

Frank blows his own brains out and learns that he’s in one of those “we were fucking with your brain, but why didn’t you like the paradise we created for you?” scenarios. As it turns out, The Ultimate Nullifier is actually The Ultimate Trolling Tool, created by The Watchers for lulz. You’re slipping, Tieri.

The Watchers tell frank to GTFO because he’s in one of those “you’re a caveman throwing rocks at the Gods” scenarios, and I can actually feel my hype boner going soft.

My hype boner quickly fills with blood and hardens again, however, as I learn that there IS a force that can take on The Watchers. His name is The Hulk. Yes sir! The Incredible Hulk is more powerful than the guys who control the entire universe in this continuity.

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Space Hulk is officially my new favorite comic book character.

As it turns out, The reason that The Hulk showed up randomly and killed everyone in the second issue was due to The Leader’s Sonic Blasts. Marie has been broadcasting that sound for the past few hours, and The Hulk is super pissed. He’s on his way to The Blue Area of the Moon, and somebody is going to die.

Frank demands to have the device that is emitting the frequency to be beamed down to him, but his ship is having trouble doing so. Proving that he’s a man, Castle tells her to lock on to the tracking chip that’s been implanted in his arm and beam the device directly to that location. Then he cuts his own arm off with that gimmicky Lightsaber and throws it to The Watchers.

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Then all hell breaks loose.

After watching Space Hulk destroy the six most powerful beings in the entire universe, Frank’s about to get the hell out of dodge, but Hulk has a humble request first. He wants Frank to kill him. It seems that for whatever wacky reason, Banner is actually alive inside of The Hulk. I don’t mean that in some sort of Jekyll and Hyde way, either. Banner is literally INSIDE of The Hulk’s body.

Making Frank look far less manly, Hulk one-ups his little arm trick by tearing a hole in his own chest, revealing Banner. Castle does him a favor blows his brains out. Hulk roars angrily and floats away, still alive and kicking. He has Banner’s dead body hanging out of his chest.

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One last homage to Alien for the road.

One of The Watchers is still alive, barely. With his dying breath he tells Frank that the universe is going to burn without the Six-Fingered Hand there to control things. Castle could care less, and as he beams back to his ship, The Watcher uses his dying breath to shoot them with a laser. Marie is dying and Frank is all alone again.

With The Watchers dead, all hell is breaking loose all over the universe. Feeling the pain of losing both of his families, Frank could care less.

And there you have it. That was Space Punisher. It was campy, absurd, and sometimes even downright stupid. In Layman’s terms, it was everything that you would expect from a Punisher book, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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